When you see your friend or the person you love struggling with anxiety, you feel compelled to say something. How can you just sit there in silence when you know their brain is their personal hell? Your instinct is to help, to try to make things better and to try to give them a list of reasons why all of their negative thoughts are wrong. But anxiety is a real condition that puts someone in a mental state where they aren’t quite as receptive to traditional forms of consolation. In fact, some of the normal ways you would comfort your loved one when they weren’t experiencing a bout of anxiety could, in fact, make matters worse when they are in the thick of an anxiety episode. Here are things you should never say to somebody with anxiety.
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Just let it go
They would love just to let it go—that would be amazing. But their conscious brain isn’t at work right now so much as their subconscious brain is, and people have little control over that. You have to understand that when someone is having an anxiety attack, they are not in touch with the parts of their mind that they usually are. [caption id="attachment_583678" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Try thinking about something else
As we already stated, when someone is having a bout of anxiety they have little control over their thoughts. It’s almost like when you’re having a nightmare, and a little, conscious part of your brain says, “Let’s think about something else!” but that little part of your brain doesn’t have the reigns right now, and there is nothing you can do about it. [caption id="attachment_701574" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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You’re being silly
This is not the time for tough love or teasing. What the person is feeling is not silly—it’s terrifying, nauseating and disorienting. For you to term it “silly” is disrespectful. [caption id="attachment_716479" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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I worry about that stuff too, but I’m fine
It's very nice that you are fine, but you don’t have an anxiety disorder. Don’t try to take credit for being stronger or better at handling worrisome thoughts; you just happen to be blessed with not having anxiety. [caption id="attachment_695505" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Everybody thinks about that kind of thing
While it may be comforting for someone to know that their frightening thoughts are common, that also doesn’t make the thoughts go away in the moment. It can also make them feel insecure about the fact that these thoughts seem to affect them more than they affect others. [caption id="attachment_295129" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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Push through it
“Just make the phone call, just go to the party, just have the conversation—whatever task is causing you anxiety, just do it.” Maybe that type of advice works for people who don’t have anxiety, but telling someone with anxiety to try that is like forcing someone to learn to swim when their eyes are sealed shut, and their feet are tied together. They are in no place to “push through it” right now. [caption id="attachment_716406" align="alignleft" width="481"]
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I’ll leave you alone until this is over
You may think you’re giving the person privacy, but you’re really making them feel that their anxiety is bothersome for you, which can cause them more anxiety. [caption id="attachment_605841" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Here: have some wine
Alcohol can aggravate the symptoms of anxiety, and it can lead to depression during the hangover. Alcohol is not the answer. [caption id="attachment_326265" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Your life is a breeze
This comment only makes the anxious person feel embarrassed about their anxiety. It’s like telling them that their feelings aren’t warranted, but they don’t want to be having these feelings in the first place. [caption id="attachment_620944" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Things could be so much worse
This comment only adds guilt to the person’s anxiety. And reminding someone of world hunger and refugees when they are having an anxiety attack is not a smart idea. [caption id="attachment_528700" align="alignleft" width="600"]
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You just need to go for a walk
To say anxiety can be cured with a walk is to say that anxiety is not a real, medical condition. General nervousness may be cured with a walk, but anxiety cannot be. [caption id="attachment_700481" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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You just need to be with friends
Sometimes, being around people can make anxiety worse. The person suffering from anxiety will then begin to feel self-conscious, worrying that their anxiety is affecting those around them. [caption id="attachment_603960" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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I did this to you, didn’t I?
In addition to having an anxiety attack, your friend does not need to also worry about explaining to you that you didn’t cause it. [caption id="attachment_401195" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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I need to know how I can help
If your loved one cannot explain to you how you can help, do not force them. They have enough to worry about without making you feel useful right now. [caption id="attachment_580201" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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Now you’re giving me anxiety
If the person having anxiety is causing you to feel anxiety, never tell them that. You can quietly remove yourself from the room for a little while, but do not make them worry that their condition is contagious. [caption id="attachment_542493" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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You have to talk to me about it
No, they do not. Sometimes trying to explain why one is having anxiety or what anxiety feels like only makes the anxiety worse. [caption id="attachment_589619" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Let’s do some yoga
Again, anxiety is not a temporary condition like stress or sore muscles that can be alleviated by physical activity. [caption id="attachment_708547" align="alignleft" width="570"]
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You have so many reasons to be happy!
This only makes the person feel that you see them as ungrateful for their life, all because they have a condition they cannot control and hate. They wish they could be in a mental state to feel joy from the many happy things in their life—they really do. [caption id="attachment_717419" align="alignleft" width="420"]
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You’re imagining things
So now, in addition to struggling with anxiety, the person is struggling with the concern that they have lost touch with reality. That is not helpful. [caption id="attachment_601503" align="alignleft" width="500"]
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Have you considered getting professional help?
Of course they have, and they probably receive professional help. But that doesn’t mean that relapses and episodes won’t continue to happen.The post Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Anxiety appeared first on MadameNoire.